Bonus points for anyone who can guess either one of the two things the alternate title is referencing (aside from the obvious). You can watch the (not) interview here.
"Weird Al" Yankovic: "Paul McCartney... Man, what a thrill this is! Thanks so much for coming on the show. Welcome."
Paul McCartney: "(Irish greeting? I'm not sure what he's saying here) The top of the morning..."
Weird Al: "You can just say hello."
Paul, doing the ol' "faux binoculars" thing with his hands: "Hello!"
Weird Al, deadpan: "Paul, you're acting stupid."
Close up of Paul's face: "Oh, I'm really sorry, I do that sometimes."
Close up of Al's face: "Now, what'd I say? You start acting silly... (he gets up from his seat) and you don't get your cookie at the end of the show!"
(Paul starts to whimper and say something incomprehensible. Poor guy.)
Weird Al: "Okay then." (sits down) "Just be good..."
Close up of Paul's face: "Okay, yeah. (brief incoherence) You tell me what to do. I don't know what's going on..."
(Me neither, Paul. Me neither...)
Weird Al: "Alright, cheer up. So, how's it going, Paul?"
Paul: "Everything's vibrating, dude!"
(He then gives Al the peace sign.)
Weird Al: "("guy who's being nice but secretly wants to leave" voice) That's nice. (regular voice) Before we get started, are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?"
Paul, waving his fingers around: "Water."
Weird Al: "Okay. There you go. A nice cup of water for Mr. McCartney."
Paul: "Wait a minute, am I paying for it?"
Weird Al: "Uh... No, Paul, the first one's free. (he hands Paul a cup of water) There you go."
(The screen cuts to Paul, but Al's still talking. "Drink up!" Paul then takes a sip. Entertaining stuff.)
Weird Al: "There. Now, can I get you anything else?"
Paul: "Beef."
Close up of Al's face: "What? I thought you and Linda were strict vegetarians."
(Paul starts to growl. Looks like they weren't.)
(...Say, wasn't this the plot of a Gilbert Gottfried bit?)
Weird Al: "Okay, okay, beef coming up! Eugh... (he gives Paul some raw beef - with one hand - and shakes both of them) There. Now, are we finally gonna do this interview?"
Paul: "We're gonna do it. Jooee!"
Close up of Al's face: "It's Al, remember? Not...Joe." (he brings a pile of index cards into view) "Anyways, just so I have it straight, you were, uh, you were known as the stinky Beatle, right?"
Paul, in a really weird voice: "What?"
Weird Al: "Or was it the cute Beatle? I forget one of those. Anyways, um, what kind of music do you listen to these days? You like...jazz, or maybe classical?"
Paul, who's doing weird hand motions and having the camera zoom in while he's saying this: "I don't like jazz, I don't like classical..."
Weird Al: "I see. So what kind of music are you listening to?"
(Paul pretends to play an electric guitar(?).)
Al: "Uh-huh, John Tesh. What else?"
(Paul then pretends to play an acoustic guitar.)
Weird Al: "Sex Pistols, mm-hm! Uh, then what?"
(Paul then...uh, waves his hands around and makes drum sounds. Not as easy to describe.)
Weird Al: "So you have very eclectic tastes. That's good! Uh, speaking of music, I was just wondering... (pulls out an album case) Have you heard my new album yet?"
Intense zoom-in of Paul: "That is probably the worst album that without I hate most..."
Weird Al: "Oh. Well, (puts album case away) what do you think of my (Al then holds up his arm and makes a really intense face.) underarm deodorant?"
(Paul sniffs the room. Must be some pretty good underarm deodorant.)
Paul, with a suddenly deep voice: "Hey!"
Weird Al: "Yeah, I knew you'd like it." (Al pits- er, puts his arm down) So, Paul, I guess this is a pretty big moment for you, being on TV with me. Do you realize, at this very moment, (makes a slightly less intense face) there are literally dozens of people watching you?"
Paul, gasping: "Oh my god..."
Weird Al: "("game show host" voice) That's right. So, as a public service, I'd like to show everybody an extreme close up of your lips."
(The camera then zooms in on Paul's lips.)
Weird Al, offscreen: "WOAH, CHECK OUT THOSE LIPS! LOOK AT THOSE LIPS, THAT'S PAUL'S LIPS! HAHAHAAA!"
(Paul takes another sip and Al is onscreen again.)
Weird Al: "Hey, did you know the camera guy here is ticklish? Watch this!"
(Weird Al tickles the cameraman and makes weird noises, causing the camera to pan to the floor. Paul doesn't give a [honk] about this, though, and continues to drink his water.)
Weird Al, grinning: "Wow! Isn't this fun?"
Paul: understandably unimpressed with all this [croak]: "No!"
Weird Al, still grinning: "Alright, now for you to entertain me!"
(Al, I don't think you got the point.)
Weird Al: "I want you to sing some bip bop music!" (What?)
Paul, covering his eyes: "Boy, no. No, no..."
Weird Al, just short of flailing his hands around: "Oh, come on, we want bip bop music! Give us some bip bop music!" (Huh??)
Paul: "Bip bop, bip bo- Real."
(Well, that was completely underwhelming. Then again, it's not like Al minds.)
Weird Al: "Aw, that was just great. Thanks. Oh, by the way, isn't that the shirt I got you for Christmas?"
(Paul grabs the top of his shirt and shakes it; he's also giving the camera an adorable smile.)
Weird Al: "Oh, it looks good on you. And, you know, I'm still wearing that steel wool underwear you got me!"
(Paul makes a weird noise in response to this.)
Weird Al: "Anyway, let's talk about the old days! Now, I hear you used to be quite popular with the females!"
Paul: "Not just humans, either!"
Close up of Al's face, looking to the side: "Uh, let's change the subject... (looks back to Paul) Um, couple of quick questions! How much do you have in your wallet right now?"
Close up of Paul's face: "You know. Fi- A billion."
Weird Al: "Wow, impressive! Hey, can I borrow five bucks?"
Paul, with a suddenly young voice: "No, man!"
Weird Al: "Okay. Um, how do you feel about sticking pencils up your nose?"
Paul, after waving his hands around: "...I love that."
Weird Al: "I knew you would. You know, I had this (gestures to his teeth) piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth for the last week. You think I should floss with a dull razor blade?"
Paul: "You gotta do it, man. It's- It's the best way."
Weird Al: "Well, I'll take your word for it. Say, do you think your head will explode if you listen to too much Milli Vanilli?"
Paul, said in a way I can't quite describe: "I think it will-"
(Note that Al didn't cut him off - whoever was editing the footage did.)
Weird Al: "So, Paul, being a famous bass player and all, you must have an incredibly well-developed thumb. Will you show us your thumb?"
Paul: "Oh, okay. (he shows Al his thumb.) Huh!"
Weird Al: "Would you do anything I ask you to?"
Paul: "Yeah!"
Weird Al: "Would you paint my house?"
Paul: "Why not?"
Weird Al: "Would you shave my back with your teeth?"
Paul: "I actually don't have that much of a problem with that!"
Close up of Al's face: "Cool! Well, thanks for being on the show, Paul. You did a terrific job."
Close up of Paul's face: "Oh, did I?"
Weird Al: "Yeah, you were great! And let me just tell you, confidentially, you were always my favorite member of Wings."
(Paul makes a pose that I can't quite describe as anything other than "a bit babygirl-ish".)
Weird Al: "Say, I'm getting some people together to go bowling after the show. You wanna come along?"
Paul: "Oh, that is, like, just so romantic..."
Weird Al, confused: "No, it's just bowling, Paul... Y- You wanna come or not?"
Paul: "It just would be great! It's been my dream..."
(Still quite romantic, but Al decides that it's good enough.)
Weird Al: "Well, all right, you're there! Any final words for our viewing audience?"
Close up of Paul's face: (incomprehensible)
Weird Al: "Yes, I couldn't agree more..."
(He then looks to the side, probably thinking "What sort of interview was that?".)
Come back home, won't you?